Why are intercaste marriages considered as a big shame in our society?


If you Love someone, then would you bother to ask him or her to which caste they belong! If you like someone , would you stop loving him/her, if you come to know they don’t belong to your caste or community?

Being from country like INDIA, there are many things, I feel proud of  and some things I just can’t digest it. One of the point  is , the way society views LOVE as a crime ! When you love someone and decide to marry him/her , you first have to answer people to which caste he/she belongs? And God forbid, if he/she doesn’t belong to your caste or religion, It’s viewed as a major problem. I know many of my friends who have faced this problem . Few were successful and got married to their love, but a few faced so many issues that in the  end they were forced to either break their relation or few were forced to  marry someone else. INDIA is developing in so many ways but, when it comes to marriage, our society view it in a different way! I know, parents are concerned about their children, but you need to understand what your child wants. If you find any problem with the guy/girl whom your child loves, talk to them, explain them what points are disturbing you and how you feel about them or their family. If there is any problem, surely they will understand, but don’t force them with your decisions. Love is not a crime, instead its God’s gift. I know it will be a difficult journey for both the families, different castes, new customs& traditions, but, it will bring happy moments too.

My opinion is “If we love someone and have decided that he/she is the one, whom you want to marry, we should convey our message to our parents. We shouldn’t go against them and think of eloping. Our parents were there when we needed them, we have lived with them for so many years and leaving them for our love won’t solve our problems. We shouldn’t set wrong examples in front of others. But instead we should be strong enough and stand for our love and parents both. Marrying someone else would be out of the question as we are in love and it is not a joke. We should be strong enough and face our parents and convince them where our happiness lies..!! I know its easy to say, but practically it doesn’t work. But running from problems is also not a solution. Be strong and face things tactfully and remember one thing, that one person you love is there besides you, fight for them.”

PS: Intercaste marriages are not  a crime. Parents please understand your child’s feelings, If you find something wrong in their partner, please make them understand, but hitting them or being violent won’t work. Instead, you are creating distance between you and your child. Discuss it out, your misconceptions could be solved if you are wrong. Your child needs your support and acceptance. They want you in their life so don’t create difficulties for them to either choose between you and their love  or force them with your decisions.



29 thoughts on “Why are intercaste marriages considered as a big shame in our society?

  1. Being from the US, it’s so interesting to learn about other societies. And while Indian society is still pretty conservative, it’s great to see increases in equality and recognizing the worth and dignity of each human being. Keep up the good fight!

      • Hi Heta,

        I’m Neetha from Bangalore. Saw your blogs and your advice.. Felt like sharing my problem and seeking guidelines..
        My relationship is from 5 years he is Marathi brahmin and I’m lingayat both of us are vegetarians. We met in engineering.. I used to go to his house n he used to come to my home.. Rapo was very good.. His parents like me.. But not not ready to accept as daughter in law.. At my home after 1.5 years my dad agreed but in his house they are not agreeing.. Not even his brother.. His father is against love marriage.. Also I’m 10 months elder than him.. He is his Father’s pride.. We love each other a lot but his parents are not understanding our love.. They only tell family.. They ll tell leave after 2 years everything ll be fine.. I’m 26 yrs now and he is 25.. I have fought and made my whole family agree.. Now my dad is not ready to wait anymore.. I feel very low.. Im hurting everyone.. I can’t accept anyone else as my husband.. We want to get married with all elders blessings.. Please help us.. His father is very stubborn.. He had spoke against love marriage when his brother daughter had love marriage tell my son ll never do something like this.. They love their son too much but still.. I don’t know its matter of pride caste age prestigious family matters.. Whatever we tell they give some reasons.. Please help how to deal with this situations. Also they bring up astrology.. Feeling very low and upset.. But want to marry him and live with him..

      • His parents don’t hurt him.They speak very softly in all other things but when it comes to love marriage they are against.. They feel love marriages don’t last long and it is like disrespecting elders.. Please help us

  2. my this comment to all coward and weak hindu and brahmin boys who easily fell in love with other caste girls but dont have gut to fight for their own love….
    What you are doing now is not fair.You are not giving any importance to your gal’s feelings.How can you avoid a gal whom you loved for past 4 years at this stage of your life where you need to take serious decisions?If you lack the courage to introduce the matter before your parents,then i can say you are a coward.If you are that much concerned about your parents,you could have think it earlier before you started your love.At least that gal is saved from you.But you gave her all hope,she loved you sincerly as her man and now you want your parents only.
    I am not making you sad.I know that parents are important and they are like God.But this is not at a good solution.You are keeping things hidden from everyone.You are the only son of your parents – that means their only asset for future.So cant they understand your feelings towards that gal?Initially they may be against.But you can convince them slowly.How can you close your true affair even without a single try?Go man,get ready to take some risk for your loved one.Pls dont ignore her.Its like killing her.She made her family ready for you,its your turn now.I hope things will be fine at last.

    • One point I will admire here of yours, that standing for the right and fighting for your love 🙂 But not all hindus are same. Like I said in my earlier comment, all people are different so not to jugde them on basis of their caste!

  3. Inter caste marriage should be encourage..bcoz if people take this step then castesim and religion based discrimination should be stop itself..we all are human being..God never created any caste and religion..even God dnt has any caste and religion…did you know that God belong to which caste and religion..then keep shut your mouth about this stupid varan system and caste system okh.. In ancient times, caste system had the seeds of liberalism. It provided the right and opportunity to get to the top from the humblest origin and earn the respect of the whole society. For example, Vashishtha, the principal of the conservative school of Brahmanism, was the son of Uravshi, a prostitute. Vishwamitra, the maker of the very Gayatri Mantra, the quintessence of the Vedic Brahmanism, was a Kshatriya. Aitreya, after whom the sacramental part of Rig-Veda is named as Aitreya Brahamana, was the son from a non-Aryan wife of a Brahman sage. Vyasa of Mahabharata fame was the son of a fish-woman and he was not ashamed of his origin. Balmiki, an untouchable according to present standards, the original author of Ramayana, is highly respected all over India..And only you can make it good or bad this inter caste marriage. Depends upon how much importance u give to these meaningless and stupid values. And how much importance u give to other people who value these meaningless things. U have to see how much u urself r attached to other people opinions. And since u r asking for opinion, it means u r attached to these meaningless things.

  4. All Hindu communities in the country follow the varnashram system of Aryans and have divided the society in four castes – Kshatryas, Brahmins, Vaishyas and Shudras. Sindhis do not have such division in their society. They never followed a rigid caste system. That is why Sindhis are considered to be only businessmen. All members of the society inter-mingle with one another without any consideration of four castes of Aryans. There are no untouchables in Sindhis…..These religion and caste set up by mad and stupid people to control others not by god…who are still mentally sick they are following this castesim blindly..i must say be like all sindhi..leave these castesim and make only one hindu religion like sindhi religion dont create any caste,community and class…bcs its only give you tension and create problems for your own self..

  5. who divided society in caste line……only stupid and mentally sick hindu..first change your thinking that all people as a human being so the system ll be change itself understood..be like sindhi religion, make one religion and killed the bloody varan system n caste system…you ll b more happiest person in this world if you all mad hindu change ur narrow minded thinking about these caste n class…Because “I believe in recognizing every human being as a human being–neither white, black, brown, or red; and when you are dealing with humanity as a family there’s no question of integration or intermarriage. It’s just one human being marrying another human being or one human being living around and with another human being.”

  6. Hindu (body) four community: brahmin (head) kshatriya (arm) vaishya (belly) shudra (feet) All these four community called as hindu. We all are parts of one body. Without each part our body is not complete. If we lost one part of our body then we become handicap. The human body is the entire structure of a human being. Human Body is considered so loving that God even wants to have it. Spiritual Yogis have found that after going through the 84 millions species this souls get the most dignified human body. So it is the last step to explore the God or to get the view of almighty father god. We know that the soul never dies it takes birth again and again just like as we take new clothes to wear the soul as it takes new body and it is an infinite process. But the body what we get in next birth depend on our karma that thas been cited in Gita by Lord Krishna to Arjuna. We all here to perform our duties. Our action makes our destiny and nothing else. The result is in the hand of supreme power. Karma is the seed of plant and if the seed is genuine it must be fruitful.

  7. Many a time, man has taken birth in high caste and low caste; but this does not make him great or lowHaving been born in high caste man thinks himself to be great and being born in low caste thinks himself to be low and pitiable; both of these states of mind are wrong because many times man has been born in high and low castes. Hence, one should not be proud of having been born in high caste and not feel low if born in low caste family.
    Greatness has nothing to do with high caste. Man becomes great because of his noble work, exemplary character and becomes loathsome because of his immorality and evil conduct. Thus, it is his conduct only that decides his greatness or lowliness. Who does not know that high family born Ravana, Kansa, Duryodhana and others are censurable; whereas Metarya muni, Harikeshi muni and others, though born in low family, are venerable.
    Then, what is the importance of high or low caste?

  8. Whole world think that India has many castes which are main reason of discrimination of people but its very very big misconception of caste system spread around the world to defame culture of India because it was the biggest systematically designed system for people from thousands of years. Now let me tell you what is meaning of varna and caste system in India and how its was started. In Ancient India there were two great saints, one was saint Bhrigu and other was saint Bhardwaj. They met to discuss how to structure a stable society for human being to live proper life, First they recognized the four sources which are:
    1. Knowledge 2. Weapons 3. Wealth 4. Land
    They decided to make system where nobody has more than one of that. These should not be in one hand, not even two should be in one hand. So those who has knowledge will not have wealth, will not have weapons and will not have lands. Those who will have weapons will rule the country but they will not make policy. They need to go to people having knowledge to seek their permission and advice. Those who are having wealth, their social status will be decided by the how much philanthropy they do not by their wealth. Those who has lands have to produce for the society. In fact none of these four category or “varna” was based on by birth.

  9. God doesn’t need Brahmin priest, god isn’t so narrow minded. god accept everyone. actually Brahmin priest needs god to make money.

  10. All human-beings are equal in the eyes of God.The human-beings have only created the caste system.There are good and bad people in both high caste as well as low caste.Ultimately,what matters to God is, whether one is a good person or striving to become one, or not.

  11. One who thinks himself to be of a high caste is actually low. While one who thinks himself/herself to be of low caste is said to be high caste.As per the scriptures, people are known by their nature and the quality of work they perform

  12. We always talk about religion and castesim but in reality there is no any caste and religion. We all are same our blood are same.then why we believe in discrimination. God never created any caste they made simple human being.. Mentally sick people take the path of fundamentalism and spread casteism and communism. They suffer from inferiority complex and divide the society into “we” and “they”. They (belonging either to higher or lower ranked caste) have a fear in their heart that if they do not get a higher place for themselves in society, “other” people are going to exploit them and going to put them down.They don’t have believe on themselves and their own work. They have doubt own their capability. People with negative mindset suffer from inferiority complex and divide society into compartments like higher castes or lower castes.and can’t tolerate “others” progress or well-being. They cannot work hard and cannot tolerate anybody else’s achievements. These are the people with negative mindset who believe in ranking some belonging to higher castes and/or some to lower castes. They are coward and they are unable to protect themselves…

  13. The brahmin community has been one of the dirty communities which has planned strategically to fool people in the name of god by generating the highest donations in the temple, doing business to fool and loot money in the name of puja, death, marriage, new home… For any occasion, there’s one puja. They charge very high prices and take away all the items after the puja. They have created prostitution in the name of devadasis. They suppress jobs and employment and welfare and equality are destroyed. they have destroyed the Indian medical system. They have killed Indian medical science like siddha vaidhyam and created ayurveda and carnatic music by destroying dravidian music. Even today they have the temples under their control. They say they don’t like untouchables, but they have always been sexually harassing low caste women.

    • Hi thanks for reading my post. 🙂 But I feel you have mistaken a few things here. What you are talking here again is Caste. Don’t jugde people by caste.It depends from a person to person. Like I have met many brahmin families who are far better than what you have described. So it seems to me, you may have come across a few, who were not good. I assume you had a personal bad experience and I feel Sorry for you.But I don’t believe that Sindhis are best or Brahmins r not good.I believe in Humanity. Its not good to point out on someone’s caste or anything.We all are humans and so we are all different.There can be a good person and a bad person.So we should not comment about wrong deeds done by a few wrong people and blame the whole community for it. Thanks for sharing your comment but my one personal suggestion.
      “If you believe that a person should not see anyone’s caste in the case of love, same rule applies for everything. Never jugde them because they belong to a particular caste or religion. View them as a human and not as a person belonging to a particular caste. “

  14. My parents r behaving in a very ill and melodramatic manner from d day i told them about my love to them..they broke my iphone, slapped me hard and even threatened me that they will destroy me, my job and all my certificates and if required they will even kill me or kill themselves. I love my girl a lot and she loves me too. My parents were going to fight with her parents but smehow i handled d situation so that nothing gets spoiled at her home. My mom starts crying like anything and starts abusing me like anything. I dont want to leave her and will never leave her.i want to make my parents ready for this marriage to happen. I talk to them abput this politely and they burst upon me like i have described above. Plz help me out what to do how to express my feelings to them. Everytime i tell them politely i get a few big slaps and abuses. I have started hating my parents for this behaviour but i dont want to hve hatred towards them. Plz give me sme advice how to convince them bcoz i want to fight for my love.

      • Hi Akash,
        First of all, thanks for reading my post. Akash, I am sorry to hear, what you are going through and I know, how much stressed out you must be feeling right now. But before sharing my opinion Akash, could you please share more details of yours like from where you are, what you do and what is your age. Also, you can connect to me through mails too, If you want. Just drop me a mail at my id heta1311@gmail.com.

  15. I’m in a similar position, I told my parents about my love after which my mom started crying and still crying its been 2 days she is not eating anything, my dad says we cannot get you married in other cast as we cannot face family & friends.
    They take up good examples of our relatives & friends who tried for love/inter caste marriage in our family but my parents were able to convince them for arrange marriage and made them forget their love, now my parents are cry stating it happened in our own family & how will I face all those whom i adviced.
    my parents do not even want to speak to the girl to judge if she is a good match or not whatever positive points i say they just ignore me saying it is a age factor which makes you talk like this but for reality none of your points will work, They just start saying all negative points which could possibly occur in next 30 years after my marriage.
    I agree with them but they cannot promise me a problem less life even in a arranged marriage ! I told them “I don’t want to marry alone & I want to marry with both family’s acceptance with all relatives & friends” so that you can guide us to live a happy life & if we do fall into some problem you can guide us to the rite path.

    I’m a Tamilian (Thakur) she is from Lucknow (Brahmin)

    Dad finally said to invite girls parents to talk but i have no hope.
    firstly language barrior
    secondly they are brahmin & we are non vegetarian
    thirdly my parents have a very bad feeling about her life style

    kindly suggest me with points to discuss when we meet them

  16. Hi, Somewhere your Dad is afraid as till now, he had given advices to others for saying a No for Intercaste marriages. It must be difficult for him to say a Yes for his own child. It’s very good on your Dad’s part that he at least said a Yes to meet the girl and her family. Yes on the other hand, Don’t keep big expectations like both the side of the families would meet and talk nicely and give a Yes for your marriage. Anything can happen, so be prepared for it. Give your parents some time to understand and accept the situation and it will take time. Both of you have to be very patient and be strong.
    Also,you can connect through me through mails too, if you want.

  17. I am in a same situation. I am a jain marwari girl and the guy in gujrati from obc caste. My parents are totally against it. My entire family all my relatives cousins everyone are not accepting it. My entire family is very conservative and orthodox. They say I will bring nothing but shame on the entire family. And dishonour their name in our samaaj. Jain marwari samaj is very conservative. My relationship is of 8 years. I love that guy a lot and cant imagine spending life without him. It give me goose bumps even thinking about it. Guys side family are ready but my parents are not. What to do. How do I convince them. Its been over a year now that I have them told about my relationship. But they are still of the same opinion. its either leave the guy or leave them. And my dad is very stubborn he has taken an oath that if I do go against his wishes he will never keep any relations with me nor allow my mom as well. And I know he will do this to spite me. I have seen him do this before as well and never spoken to that person till date. My entire family also says the same. If my parents accept me then they wont keep relations with the my parents as well. I cant isolate my parents like that. The pressure of giving in is too high. Feel dispirited. But when I think of sacrificing my love for parents happiness I see nothing but an empty road ahead of me. N am I scared to walk on that road. Parents say u wil forget and move on n be happy but I cant convince myself. And moreover I cant live with guilt of making the guys life miserable. He is very very emotional and attached to me and will go mad without me. But again I will have the guilt of hurting my parents for life. They will never get respect from others in my family. They will constantly be ridiculed and reminded of my intercaste marriage.

    • Hi Ankita,
      It’s not like you will bring shame to your family and society won’t respect you. Please remove such negative thinking from your mind first. In everyone’s case, the topmost reason of parents denying for the marriage is “what will society think?”. Ankita, whatever we do in our life, there is someone to point at us from society. We can’t shut every single person’s mouth. For us, our parents are the most important ones whose approval, blessings and opinions should matter. I know how much difficult it would be for you right now to handle your parents. Eight years of relationship is not a small period. But, even think about your parents. I know you would never do anything wrong and against your parents will which is very nice on your part and I know, how difficult it would be for you doing it. Try to talk to them alone and explain them how you feel. Give them confidence that you won’t anything against their will. Convince them that you would be very happy with your guy financially and emotionally both. Also, any close to your parents, to whom your parents listen and believe in him/her, ask them to talk to your parents. It could be anyone from your family or an outsider. Be very strong while to interact with them. If you know, you can’t move on for your parents’ happiness, convey them that you don’t want to ruin the third person’s life as you won’t be able to love anyone else. I know you are a very strong woman. Never ever in future think of eloping as your parents have been there for you for so many years. Just give them time to accept things and have faith in God. You make a very clear point to them, it’s him or no one else and with their blessings only you want to see a future with your love.
      You can even contact me via mails.

  18. Hi
    Hello everyone and Thankyou for sharing all your experiences. I am also suffering from same situation. I kept my invitation infront of my parents and they simply gave option to either marry as per their choice or leave home for forever. I had tried as many times I could try but they are not accepting intercaste marriage. I am from jaat community and she is from rajpoot family, as per hindu mythology and has been told by parents are from strong community. But it doesn’t matter for me because I love her alot and she is very good girl as well. And on top they have stopped talking to me as well now.
    I know I have made certain mistakes but am ok to take care of my family. But they have simply denied to accept my relation with her.
    After waiting for 3.5yrs I have got court marriage done last March 2015. I stay away and can’t live without my family as well, because my responsibility towards them to take thier care but no response from their end.
    If anyone has any view to share please let me know….

    • Sorry to know through how tough times you are going, but when you have taken the step already, give them some time to accept the things you have done. Though as per some situation you had taken that step, but it must have hurt your parents a lot. Things will take time to settle down, but in the mean time, continue with your try to talk to them. Don’t keep expectations, but continue with your responsibilities as their son. They are hurt and angry at you, but time heals everything. Best of luck for your future.

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