There are many things which we wish to do but couldn’t do it, due to some or the other reason. Yesterday afternoon, while sipping my tea , my mind was wandering back in time and I wished if I had done certain things in some other way , then today things might have been different.
My nature has been very kind towards people whom I consider as my special and close person.I am good to the people who are close to me and will do anything I can for them, to any extent and on the contrary if people are bad towards me , then an invisible sign board reflects on my head and blinks a message YOU BETTER BEWARE OF ME . But there are few close people ,who have broken my trust and walked over me. I wished I could have made them realize , how their actions crushed me completely. I am sensitive person when it comes to emotions. I don’t trust people easily and when I do I get dependent on them. I keep expectation’s and yeah I know expectation’s always hurt. But when you are close to someone, when he / she qualifies for that group of people who are your lifeline, expectation’s arises automatically. I just don’t know where this expectation button is hidden in my body, if I knew I would have switched it off permanently. Today I want to travel back in time, and meet those people and make them feel the exact way they made me go through ! I want to make them realize that I cried and left them without saying anything it was just because they were close to me and I couldn’t bear hurting them. But later on, to protect my self-respect, I made sure I never interacted back with them. Yes it was difficult , very tough for me but just to save myself from getting hurt again , I never looked back. There are few who are still in touch with me, but are no more close or my besties. My conscience always urged me to go back to normalcy but few things can never be changed and its for ones own betterment. ! Whenever I felt I dint do anything wrong, still I always apologize for sake of our relation . I consider that person important more than my ego . But there are few memories deep inside my heart which I can never erase and it will be there with me until my last breath. I wished I could have travel back and change things but I know I cant. So I took those incidents as an experience which taught me a lesson.
On other hand if I talk about my hobby, I always dreamt of being a graceful dancer. During my school days , I had taken active participation in dance competitions . I still remember my dance classes conducted in my school and how happy I was , dancing on different bollywood beats 😀 . Today even if I think of joining some dance classes , I am questioned first and denied later because few narrow minded people feels that now I am big and it wont look good or either I am been told of wasting money !!. I know its weird , very weird but its true. I always wanted to learn all forms of Indian classical dance , salsa and many more forms of dance.
From minute little things to big decisions , there are many things which I do want to change and want to travel back in time and re correct again. I know this is just a wish which can never be fulfilled. There are many other things which I want to change but my list will go on. My main idea behind writing this blog is that, everyone of us must have gone through same feelings , things could have been different, reason could have been something else,But there will be some thing which WE WISHED WE COULD HAVE DONE and WE WISH WE COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE IT. Though I hope to do few things in near future , and hope for no barriers to do the things I want to do .