A seed of Hope

Has it ever happened to you, that you are so involved in a problem that you are not able to get out of it? You try hard, but it just feels impossible to be free and be at peace.? You start feeling negative and can’t think anything that has positivity in it. People around you might ask you to stop over thinking about a situation and stop being pessimistic. They ask you to busy yourself in something or do some walk or yoga. They are not wrong. They are trying their best to show you a picture of having hope. But it’s you who would know how bad the situation is and how much you have tried hard to be out of it.

Yes, I have been in this and there was a huge breakdown where nothing worked for me. I started being more negative and got scared about thinking something good. I tried to tackle my problems and found solutions to it. But, some or other always came as a hurdle in between me and my goal. It took a very long time for me to come out of that situation and at that time, I told myself “You did it.” I don’t regret breaking down, because it was the worst phase of my life, I am still trying to cope with it.” But I realized one thing, that one should keep a hope within that one can do it. I know sometimes the situation don’t let you think straight and that’s ok. But don’t lose hope. I am telling you from my experience, things will work out eventually and your hardwork, your patience will pay off. That one instance has now given me a hope that my other problems would get resolved soon, but I shouldn’t lose hope and should think positive that it will happen.


A day of happiness

It’s been more than 2 months, since my life took a major turn. I lost my mom to God forever. Despite everything, it still feels like an endless dream. Don’t know How am I surviving without you being around. But thanks Mom, for getting Baby Kiyaan in our life. He is the one who makes sure to keep my sanity in check.

At one moment, I am all well, working, doing my stuff and out of nowhere your thought haunts me Mom. You mean a lot in my life and you were my role model and will remain always. My little nephew Baby Kiyaan makes sure that when he is around, I forget my worries. Or else it would have been tough for all of us to come out of this big loss in our life. No that does not mean we are all fine. But at least we are trying to come out of it and are able to cope with your loss. Baby Kiyaan makes sure that he spreads happiness to us. His hugs, his smiles, his kisses make me feel good. I still get affected when somebody asks me about you and the memories of you being in ICU comes back. I didn’t know that on that day, in the next five minutes, my life was about to get the biggest shock.

I am trying my best to be doing what must be done. Your sudden demise has taught me a lot, live for today, do what is best for you at the right time and be there for your loved ones always.

Baby Kiyaan thanks for making our life’s toughest journey easier for us. Whenever I miss your grandma, it’s your embrace, your concern that makes me strong. Today, I had another great day and all thanks to you for being part of it and making it better. Life’s little happiness is the great blessings for all of us and one must not forget to enjoy it to the fullest.


Feelings -2

I don’t know why I dream of you a lot nowadays. Your bare hands touching mine and holding it tight to show me your support. I have been blogging a lot about you since the day you left. Because my mind and heart together are possessed by your thoughts right now.

Nowadays people comment, when I wear your clothes, shoes and even carry your bags. Basically, I am wearing everything that belongs to you. Yes, that’s my way of keeping myself safe that you are there with me. People might laugh at me or some people may think, I won’t be able to forget you or come out of the pain, if I continue wearing your clothes or kept your things near me. The real point is I don’t want to forget you. You are mom, my mom. I don’t want to discard your things. Things that mattered to you, matters to me a lot now.

I don’t know what the world around me thinks, but for me this is the right thing to do. I love you Mom.

I now know how it feels when you lose one of the strongest support and are standing alone facing difficult times by your own. Yeah, I have people around who care for me, but just discussing about you, or going out with them or just plain talking to them doesn’t work always. You are so much missed that words won’t suffice and explain the emptiness that you have left behind.


Life lessons 4

With my experiences in life, I have learned that time, relations and money have a great value. Time doesn’t wait for anyone once gone. Entering into a relation is easy but maintaining it for a lifetime is difficult and biggest responsibility. Money doesn’t come easily and One has to work hard to earn it. So value these three things in life because not everyone is lucky enough to have these in their life. If we don’t value what we have, we don’t deserve to have it at first place. There are people who don’t have much time, but have tons of responsibilities, wishes to accomplish, some don’t have the money to fulfill their big dreams and some don’t have money to even fulfill a day’s of their water and food quota. Many people have everything, but don’t have people to be there by their side, to love them, to support them or to listen to them. So one must value things that they have. One must do right to preserve the same. Today Time helps us to do so many things, we get one more day to live and do things that we ought to do. It’s because of money, we are able to eat, drink and are able to provide for our family. And most of all, it’s our beautiful relations that we share with our parents, spouse, siblings and friends that we are able to keep our sanity in check, have someone to share our happiness with, have someone’s shoulders to cry on.

So one must always value what they have and respect the value of time, relations and money.


As time goes by

There are times when I don’t let myself feel anything,

I get so engrossed into my day-to-day work,

That I don’t let your thoughts inside my head.

But, sometimes you are remembered so badly,

That the place or the work, I am doing, cease to exist.

I look out of the window,

Search for the single star that makes me feel your presence.

Your grandson points out at you,

Whenever he sees one star that we have taught him is his Grandma.

We have told him that you are now in heaven staying with Gods,

And you are watching us from above.

Whenever your grandson, my little nephew sees me crying,

He looks out of the window and calls out for you.

He holds my finger and tells me not to cry,

And offers me a chocolate that he thinks will make me smile.

He amazes me Maa, and even he misses you sometimes.

Your sudden demise has left a strong scar on me,

And also a fear of losing my loved ones.

It’s after your death, I have realized that

Nobody knows how long one might live,

So till the time you are alive, feel every moment

And live every moment with your loved ones.

Give them the time they deserve,

Because time doesn’t wait for anyone.

I miss you Maa.

Heta Gala Naidu


Good days and Bad days

There are bad days and good days. There are days when we are so tired after doing household chores and handling office work at the same time and also handling a two year old kid. No doubt kids teach you a lot every day and so does my nephew BabyKiyaan but on some days he is so rigid and throws tantrums that pisses me off and makes me tired. He is the one who never complains if we ask him to stay somewhere because of some situation. When I cry he wipes my tears and shouts at me to not cry. He hugs me and comforts me saying he is there. Yes a two year old kid understands a lot than we adults can even think of. So days will be there when he will piss you off and won’t let you do any work, but some days he would be so happy and in mood and these pictures reflect how much happy he is in his own company. I love him no doubt and I hope he always remember as his best aunt. He has taught me a lot in these two years and five months and time will come when I have to part ways and we both will be living in different countries where meeting him everyday won’t be possible. No matter what, for me you will always remain my Chotu. Love you and God Bless you with an amazing future.


Is it a dream or reality?

I still feel that I am dreaming and the dream has still not ended. It feels like you will come in front of me someday and say “ Get up bacha, I am back. I am done playing hide and seek and you guys lose as you couldn’t find me.” I would be ready to lose as having you back would be the best win for me Maa. It’s difficult without you. Come to me as I need you. We had so much planned, so many things needs to be done. It’s difficult to even do daily chores Mom. I am reminded of you wherever I go. Going to market, or going to mall or salon or doctor visits, none of it has been without you. It’s like I am used to being around you. You were always afraid of me not being around you once I leave India for my new journey in another country and I was always worried that how would I survive without you and Baby Kiyaan. Now I feel like atleast you would have been in reach of me via phone, if you were alive. Now, you are so far that I couldn’t connect with you and speak to you. It’s difficult Mom, I swear it’s difficult. Nobody can replace the biggest loss that I am going through. I don’t even know when or how will I recover from this shock that you wouldn’t be there in person anymore or Except in memories or pictures I won’t be able to see you anymore. Just the thought gives goosebumps and tears automatically flow. People around tell me what’s written in destiny will happen. If that’s true I hope you are written in my destiny and I will wait for this destiny to make us meet again. Wherever you are, listen to me, you are missed very badly and I am trying my best to cope up with your loss. Be with me because you were, are and will be my strongest support in my entire life. Love you Mom.

You were the one who did every possible thing for her children. Today wherever I am it’s because of you and your sacrifices. You were my hero and will remain in my stories that I will pass it on to your grandchildren. I have refrained myself to do so many things in life because you wanted me to, so that nobody is upset with me around. And yes I use to be angry with you for not letting me do things I always saw my friends doing it. I use to be upset and sad that everyone except me are enjoying and living their life to the fullest. But later, I use to think that you deserve this much for the sacrifices you had done. There were many things for which people around me used to be upset about, but I never regretted because I know how much you had to go through later. You were the best and you are the greatest loss of my life.